need another drink. this is the easiest way
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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