Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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