did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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