Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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