is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
