Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am naked and annoyed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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