you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
