Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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