Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't make out with my wife yet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
