i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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