Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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