my being single is dangerous.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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