at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
