Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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