I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.