i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm gonna cum garlic butter