Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
