like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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