halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
