Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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