Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
