im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
