There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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