You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
tell me about the eggs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
