She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
