I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
