At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
