Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
