Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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