i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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