Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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