you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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