I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
