i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
