I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
