If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize