Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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