I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
