ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
