I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The power of my boobs compel you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
