I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize