She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was born a porn star she said
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
