My first STD was from a foam party
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
