take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
