Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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