Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
