overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
