A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
