You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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