Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
