You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
