before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
