I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
