Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
