my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
wow bdsm is so cute
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
