I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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