I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
