nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
