I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
