i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
