There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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