I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
