We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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