im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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