I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
