The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
