So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
