i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
