...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
