Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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