yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
