haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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