This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
