I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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