Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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