Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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