wanna go halves on a baby?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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