Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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