I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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