you have to choose: penises or morals?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize